Loving God

August 24, 2011

Do I really love God? Which parts of me can I honestly say love God, and which parts of me rebel against Him and His laws?  Sometimes I realize, looking into my heart and my actions, that I do not love God.  Does not the very inner part of me hate Him? Does not that core despise His existence or at best cares not to value Him supremely according to His infinite worth?  Is that not my true self, an enemy of God, an idolater?  Even the parts of me that wish to change the core are only the external parts, the shells that are circumstantial and temporary.  All these externalities are not my true self.  I do not wish to change; there is no refuge in the inner island of righteousness.  For even if such island were to exist, it is not located within my core, and therefore cannot change the core.

But, there is hope.  There is grace.  We can’t force our hearts to love God.  We can’t force ourselves to sin less and believe more.  Only when we realize how much we are loved by God will these byproducts of our faith flow out of our lives.  That’s the trick with christian life. It isn’t about trying harder, being sincere, or forcing our hearts to believe.  At the heart of the christian walk is realizing just how much He loves us for His namesake.

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