Our kids

December 16, 2008

The students that graduated a couple years ago – that class was the last of their legacy.  I wonder what our classes will look like.  Will they know and fear the Lord? Will they stand firm in the faith as they move on through college? I’m afraid they will not.  I’m afraid that even the best and the brightest of our kids will falter.  And it is because we were more concerned for ourselves, we were more concerned with the kids even.  We didn’t back out far enough to see the bigger picture, and was hence unable to see the importance in the minute.  As I sat there listening to my kids say these mean, nasty things to each other at church, I couldn’t but help think how we’ve failed, how I’ve failed.  I remembered the countless times that I’ve complained in the darkness instead of praying for them.  I remembered the broken promises to love, to serve, to teach and uphold the Truth.  The times when I’ve picked up the wrong book, or stared into the void of the monitor instead.  How cold, unbroken is my heart even now!

The youngest of my class.  Can he relate to me?  Can he learn anything from me?  Is my life, are my thoughts worth emulating?  Are my words and my heart sincere?  This is all very doubtful.

I remember one of my past pastor telling me that I need to teach, that it is my gift, that it is a sin if i do not teach.  But I do not know anything.  I feel myself, my thoughts, my knowledge of God, slipping into the muddy waters.  And once in a while, I am shocked and awakened ever so briefly by the splash of cold hard Truth.  It feels liberating.  But just as soon as this sensation passes by, my thoughts return to what i know to be soft, gray, futile, and worldly.  How am I to teach in this condition?

Who will teach them?  Who? Who will instruct them to remember, to know, to fear, to worship, to love?

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