Repentance

To repent is one of the highest virtues.  True repentance requires all of your self: the intellect, to recognize the moral laws that have been broken; the soul, to come with a contrite and broken spirit; the heart, to jump over the chasm of fear to an unknown of punishment; and sometimes even the body, to prostrate on your knees to symbolize your weakness and submission.

But because of this, when any part of us is defective, we cannot bring forth true repentance.  Only a good man can truly repent; but a good man has nothing to repent of.  A bad man, who has plenty to repent of, cannot repent for the failing of his intellect, his soul or his heart.   He will suppress the knowledge of the moral law, denying its existence or its authority over him.  He will not come contritely, but rather try to march in with pomp through the gates of heaven, which will be shut and denied him.  He will be kept bound by the fear of losing his idols, the false gods that bring him comfort.  But what man can say that he is not this bad man?  Who can dare claim that he acknowledges his sins or recognizes the laws that he is constantly breaking?  Who can claim to have never approached the throne of grace as if it was a throne of works?  Who can claim that he has not shrunk back in fear from the light?  For no one is righteous; not even one.

We need help from the outside.  We need grace, to clear away the haze in our minds, that will help us see the futility of our ways, the offensiveness of our sins and our attempts at good deeds (for even our righteous deeds are done out of selfishness or in vain attempts to attain right standing before God).  We need grace that heals our souls, making it whole yet soft, thereby making it able to bend and be contrite.  We need grace to heal our hearts, the love that casts out fear, the love that proclaims we are sons, so that we will not shrink back but to truly repent, to truly love God.  Only when grace touches us are we able to begin the movement of repentance.  And when we do make this movement, we realize that the price has already been fully paid, that we are already forgiven!

Oh the wonders of the gospel!  What can make a wretch like me be called a son of God?  The longer we gaze into it, the more we realize how profound it is.

Loving God

Do I really love God? Which parts of me can I honestly say love God, and which parts of me rebel against Him and His laws?  Sometimes I realize, looking into my heart and my actions, that I do not love God.  Does not the very inner part of me hate Him? Does not that core despise His existence or at best cares not to value Him supremely according to His infinite worth?  Is that not my true self, an enemy of God, an idolater?  Even the parts of me that wish to change the core are only the external parts, the shells that are circumstantial and temporary.  All these externalities are not my true self.  I do not wish to change; there is no refuge in the inner island of righteousness.  For even if such island were to exist, it is not located within my core, and therefore cannot change the core.

But, there is hope.  There is grace.  We can’t force our hearts to love God.  We can’t force ourselves to sin less and believe more.  Only when we realize how much we are loved by God will these byproducts of our faith flow out of our lives.  That’s the trick with christian life. It isn’t about trying harder, being sincere, or forcing our hearts to believe.  At the heart of the christian walk is realizing just how much He loves us for His namesake.

Win Over Our Hearts

How can you convince us or reason with us when our intellectual capacities have atrophied, and our minds are filled with thoughts of doing evil?

How can you make us love you when our hearts long for idols and other lovers?

How can you call us friends when we are your enemies, when we hate you and your laws?

Your grace is irresistible because your will is un-negotiable, an unstoppable tidal wave of love.  Your grace also turns our hearts and our minds back to you.  We come to love you, to love your laws, to find in them beauty.  And through this grace, we are declared to be “Righteous!”  We come to delight in your laws, we come to delight in you.

So win over our hearts.  Make yourself irresistible to us.

Courage

When I stare into my sinful, selfish self, and at the end of that dark and lonely passage of reflection sits a little boy, afraid.

We are so afraid.  And that is why we sin.  We are afraid that our idols will fail us.  We suppress the truths that are written on our hearts, these truths that tell us that these are false gods who will not save us.  We are afraid that we will be found for who we are, as sinners, as frauds, as charlatans. as glory-thieves.  We are afraid that for all our struggles, climbing and clambering up for just a hint of meaning of existence, that we know that all of our struggles are for naught, that we can’t save ourselves.

We want heroes.  We desire to become our own heroes, but we are afraid that we might succeed.

And that is why courage is such a critical virtue.  At the testing point of our fears, the true nature of our struggles becomes evident.  THE struggle: the unveiling of His sons.  The true nature of the courage itself is revealed: the dying to ourselves, to our fears, to crucify our worries and to trust.  For to be courageous is to live a paradox, to risk death and injury to save our lives, to risk losing everything you have to gain everything there is.

Heads and Tails

If you’re a Korean christian, you’ve no doubt heard this phrase being prayed in Korean: “Let us be the head and not the tail.”  Like a lot of Korean words I hear, I mostly let it drift over my head. But when I tried to make sense of what is actually being said, I really could not make heads or tails of it.  (yes, pun totally intended).  How does it make any sense to pray this?  Where is this in the Bible?  And what was the context?  I really can’t recall where or whether this phrase is from the Bible, but I do know John 13.

1 Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. 2 During supper, when the devil had already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray him, 3 Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, 4 rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. 5 Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

I really don’t know where in the Bible it talks about leading the congregation according to the latest business models and techniques.  When I think about the meaning of the Gospel, I really can’t reconcile it with wanting to be at the top, at the front, and being the head.  That is not what it means to love others.  If you wish to be the greatest, you must be the least.  This is at the very center of the meaning of the universe; in order to save your life you must lose it; the Son of Man came to serve and not to be served.

I am pretty sure that the most radiant of saints in heavens will be someone who no one has talked about on earth, those who have lead others to Christ and not to themselves, those who strove to be the tail and not the head.

The God Gulf

Hunger.  Suffering.  Wars.  Both non-religious and religious groups are working (sometimes together) to try to solve these global problems.

Yes, even from the Christian perspective, these are problems.  And yes, we can love our neighbors who suffer from these problems by trying to alleviate their suffering.  Loving them is not less than trying to solve these problems, but more than that.  Because from the Christian perspective, what is THE problem?  THE biggest problem is that of God’s wrath.  The biggest problem is eternal separation from God.  So any humanitarian efforts must have in mind solving this infinitely more urgent, infinitely more important problem of spiritual death.  So the so called God gulf can only be bridge from one side, the eternal side, the Christian side.  The natural cannot break out into the supernatural, but the supernatural can step in to the natural.  The natural has no guard against it; but once the supernatural enters in, it becomes part of the natural.  This is the definition of miracles.  Similarly, the so called God Gulf can only be bridge from our side.  We can work with them, but they will find it impossible to work with us if we are true to our mission.  They will find our aims repulsive and dishonorable.  Only God can bridge a God-sized gulf.

Free Time?

Here’s the plan….
if i have any free time, i’ll write.
if i’m too tired to write, i’ll read.
if i’m too tired to read, i’ll listen.
and if i’m too tired to listen, i’ll sleep.

Christian Marriage

It has always confused me going to weddings and at the end when the pastors say “By the powers granted to me by God and the state of so and so, I pronounce you husband and wife.”

Really? I thought marriage was a Christian institution?  But maybe not; after all, there is marriage is in the old testament.

Back up a bit. So where does this power of pronouncement come from then?  God and the state?  or just God since all power of the state is from God anyway?  And if so, is this power of pronouncement granted solely through the state (even though it’s from God) and not directly from God to the pastor?  But isn’t the pastor acting as an agent of the state, in which case even if the power is granted directly to the pastor, then it cannot bypass the state in any way.  whatever the answer may be, 2 things must be true: one, that ultimately all the power of pronouncement comes from God, and two, that this power is granted to the state at some point.

Alright so if these two things are true, then does it necessarily follow that marriage is a “Christian” institute? No, it does not.  After all, Christians do no have a monopoly on the idea of God, nor do we have (or should have, for His kingdom is not of this world) control of the state.   If we indeed think that marriage is a Christian institute, then the pastor should not act as an agent of the state; we should then claim and profess that it is not by the power granted by the state but solely by the power granted by God that we are able to pronounce any couple a husband and wife.  Christian couples should have then a separate civil pronouncement by a government official.  maybe it’d be easier to have “christian marriage” as distinct from a “civil marriage.”  After all, we can’t control what non-Christians do, but we can change what we do.  And if what we do doesn’t really make sense or conform to what we profess, then we should change what we do even if this means breaking out of old venerated traditions.  And if i remember correctly, C.S. Lewis proposed something similar in Mere Christianity.  It makes sense today as much as it did then.

This has other implications.  This means that the state cannot force a pastor to use this power of pronouncement on certain people if it goes against his beliefs.  Because this power of pronouncement grants a distinct type of marriage (christian vs. civil), the pronouncing of the christian marriage is a strictly religious matter.  On the other hand, this may mean that the pastor can theoretically pronounce a couple as in a civil marriage, but again, he cannot be forced either because he cannot be forced to act as an agent of the state against his own will.

An obvious objection would be that a marriage ultimately represents the union of the church with Christ.  Yes, but every human relationship, properly understood, is an object lesson in our relationship with God.  We don’t insist that non-Christians not have friends or not have parents do we?  (well we can insist on it, but this is equal to insisting that they don’t exist.  And it’s very hard to love your neighbors if they don’t exist.)  The problem is that with marriage, we’ve forgotten what is the shadow of what.  Earthly marriage, though good, draws its real beauty not from itself but from what it represents.  When we glorify it instead of what it represents, when earthly love becomes a god, it becomes a demon.  When a good thing becomes an ultimate thing, it becomes a bad thing.  Since marriage is a symbol, this means we don’t treat it as a god, but as an angel.  As tempting as it may be, we don’t bow down to worship it but we praise God along side it.  we also don’t try to protect it; the institute of marriage isn’t fragile – it’s given by God after all, the foundation is solid.  rather we are protected by it.

Another objection might be that if we are to be the salt of the world, we are to preserve the society from moral decay.  Well and good. but being the salt doesn’t mean we convert the food into salt.  it means we stay distinctively salty, but at the same time we do not turn our neighbors into pillars of salt.  that would taste horrid.

Musings about Angels

most musings about angels and demons are probably inaccurate and mostly conjectural since the bible doesn’t say too much about them. still, one cannot help but to think about them sometimes, drawing out inferences from the scant passages and impressions of the light and shadow and dreams on fragile minds.

I wonder whether angels bow down to worship.  It’s rather difficult for me to picture them bowing down, not because they’re proud but because in my mind they’re always standing alert, perpendicular to the ground, straight and upright, ready to serve God as a warhorse is ready to serve a king.  Even before the throne of God, I picture them covering their faces rather than prostrating themselves.   i can’t imagine even the humblest angels on their knees or bowing their head in prayer. it is as if their spiritual joints have not been made to bend that way.  it is as if they are made to constantly glance upon the face of God.  in their absolute angelic innocence, even a trace thought of self is an impossibility.  faith isn’t required of them for they do see the spiritual things, just as we see the material world.

I suppose some angels *are* proud – namely, the fallen ones.  and i can picture them hunched over, not because they worship God but because they have been broken by the Son.